I Guess Converse aren’t the “Heels” in “Head Over Heels”

I really and seriously hate the amount of time I have been spending contemplating this issue. I mean it’s been keeping me from beating my own Tetris high score! That is some serious business.

A number of factors have certainly contributed in maximizing the significance of this ordeal. Facebook news feed, high school reunions, graduation, living in the Middle East, living in Amman in particular, and parents, most definitely parents. And while I don’t like to think of myself as easily influenced, these factors kept pressing the-dilemma-that-cannot-be-named, kept pressing it right into my face.

"يما لمتى بضلها البنت زي الورده و عليها العين؟" يما والله ما أنا عارفه! هاتي أجرب أشوف لمتى!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all against the idea of being swept off my feet and falling head over heels in love with some not-completely-customized-to-my-taste-but-close-enough-so dude, but at least give me some material to work with!

Between the it-took-me-8-years-to-get-a-bachelor’s-degree-in-floor-sweeping-and-I’m-cool-with-it and the momma’s boys, I started considering compromising my standards. I tried to keep an open mind and even giving credit to those who got through 8 years of college without giving up halfway through. The momma’s boys, I won’t be so lenient with.

Forgive me for being this blunt, but I wholeheartedly believe in the need of a “What in the Name of Everything Holy Are You Exactly Looking for?” motivational speech for the youth of this city. Gender, not specified.

I am especially fond of those boys who take a girl’s ignorance in the kitchen as a faux pas, I mean I can learn to cook in a month if I needed to! Have you ever tried learning Chinese? Probably not, because you did not NEED to. That does not mean you are incapable of doing so if the matter arises. Or take girls who want an “open-minded” guy but freak out as soon as they know he’s been with more than 2 girls in his humble 20 or so years of life. Make up your mind woman! What you ordered comes with additions. Deal with it.

I’m not going to list all the nerve-racking contradictions I see in my fellow unrealistically hopefuls, but I hope that neither the lack of option or my own stubbornness will drive me into that web of never-ending if onlys, at least not now.

I, myself, ask for simple credentials. A, self-made, confident, in touch with his feminine side, doesn’t think John Mayer is gay, does not consider Paolo Choelo’s books are in any way enlightening, preferably plays an instrument or speaks a foreign language, has a sharp sense of sarcasm, tree-hugging, hygienic, politically and historically informed, with a soft spot for surreal art, does not cringe at the sight of babies, honored to be shadowed by his father but strives to be a shade for his younger brother, makes on-the-spot plans, but owns up to responsibility, liberal, intellectual kind of guy. I might have gotten a bit too carried away being picky. But all in all simple eh?

On a more serious note, I just pray that his idea of being original does not revolve around rooting for Valencia instead of Barcelona or Real Madrid. What a rebel that would be!

May all of your standards never face the need to be compromised!

Leave it to John Mayer to tell it like it is ;)